Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
