Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
