why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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