apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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