how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
