I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
