And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
