I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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