I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
