I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
