I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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