I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
