My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
