I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
