we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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