Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The power of my boobs compel you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
