when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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