I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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