I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Life is so much better after having sex.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
