remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
