Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
