Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
