Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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