You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
