i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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