Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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