Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
