were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
