I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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