Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
