She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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