i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
