I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
