I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
