He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
