Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
