it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
