Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
