remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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