If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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