I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
