just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
