If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
