I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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