im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
