If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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