i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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