You just made me feel so damn special
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
