yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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