Why are handjobs necessary in class?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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