Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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