Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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