if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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