i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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