oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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