I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
